I find myself sitting at a computer on Earth in the middle of an infinite universe. And I am thinking, what the fuck
how fucking LONG do I have to sit here, biding my time until death?

Do you have any idea how much I tire of hiding inside myself?

Do you have any idea how much I tire of human passtimes?

Do you have any idea how much I enjoy being human?

I need to rage?
Because I get it.

It’s family dynamics, one rages while the others hide.

As far as I see it.

All you have to do is hide and disconnect from the moronicness happening outside my windows and door.

And you see it, clear as a bell.

It may not be easy to put words to it.

But you can understand it. Deep in your soul.

I have known for 18 years.
And now I can put it to words like a song.
And it is as follows:

We are infinite. We are all infinite. The mice, the men, the cats the dogs, the blades of grass.

We need to put that infinity into understanding, we cannot do that without it making sense.
So we WILL.
With our willpower inside we form life.
but and it is a huge but
in order for the song to be sung, we have to build it like bricks.

bacteria to grass, grass to insect, insect to dinosoar.

we must make it make sense, so we must suffer armageddon

after weve spent so very long ripping each other’s bodies apart.

armageddon comes and goes, not from divine purpose, but from reality.

The reality of a universe full of big fucking rocks.

And so it continues.

Born again with more efficient intelligence, hands, arms, legs, mouths, ears.

Ripping and raping each other apart.
Stacking each other’s bodies up in stalls.
Always turning on each other.
For one reason and one reason only.
To sing a song you need to learn how to sing.
You cannot learn if there is nobody to teach you.
So we do what we do. For a long time. Ripping, maiming, traumatising each other.
We enjoy it
because we don’t know any better.

and then we hit 2012

and it becomes easier to figure it out. Thanks to all the pain its fresh in our faces like the blood dripping from a million chicken’s necks at this moment.
we are the humanity
the bringers of doom
corrupted and ignorant
stumbling around blindly not thinking of our actions, of each other or ourselves

it is why we die
because who would wish to live for eternity like that
without the chance to be born anew.

plus, we die because it speeds us up, our progress, our great progress of our goal of what?

understanding the universe around us? yes, for some, no for masses and masses of hulking great blind souls

we even choose to blind each other so we can wake up to slaves bringing us cups of tea in the morning
is wrong

we even enjoy
to slave for each others dominance
we love it, we love to suffer
or why else would we share so much pain?
there is no karma
there is no jesus
there is no mohammed
there is only Will
will to be enslaved
will to not think, not feel and know what is going on
because you can’t take it

who the fuck would want to think like that?
And what would it be like not to?
what would it be like to be me?

what would it be like to just accept it?
and know it?

we are all so ignorant, me also

we are less than a herd of young animals kept in a field.

we are less because we pretend to ourselves we are more.

we have big heads, and egos, and we bring pain with them, to ourselves and to others

what am I, but just another animal, screaming in pain

pain, so much pain, to understand and
to not be able to help
we cannot wish ourselves out of infinity

we are a part of it
every single one

and it hurts

to bury your head away from the gore of life
as almost everyone I have ever met does, is to just delay the invevitable


do you accept the full responsibility for who and what you are? savage animal?

do you accept the full responsibility for becoming who you would become? humane, happy?

do you accept the full responsibility for the pain of the universe? you are life, you are pain. For one reason only. You want to see it make sense.
You  want to become whole.
You wanted it all to be whole.
With your Will!

Don’t you know, you are not alone. Everyone is a brother and a sister, down to each blade of grass.

And there is peace and love avaliable for this family.

But you are not going to get it deep down. Not with your cup of tea in the morning, not with boiling the kettle for someone god of an ignorant wanker because that is all you want to understand.

Peace and Love, we are trying, the world over people are trying to have a slice of happiness. Trying with all they have. Amidst these blind idiots running around with their heads cut off and machetes in their hands.

I am not trying any more. It’s bullshit, I will not be at peace until the universe is right.
But that does not stop me smiling.
Because I am not dead yet, nor going to be for a while, and until I am reborn into infinity I have to get through the day.

Nick.Eliot[at], 30/04/2012


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