Jesus Christ – Superstar!

So I’ve finally come to peace with the Christian New Testament bible story. For many years I’ve hated Jesus, because there are great inconsistencies in the bible and I took him for a conman mind fucker, who at the same time actually tried to force stupid people to be nice to each other with fear of the devil and hell.
This was years of complex hatred for Jesus Christ and his teachings, because I thought they threw us off the proper train of thought. However today it all makes sense and I cannot believe I didn’t see it sooner. Jesus was a schizophrenic!
I guess I didn’t get it because he was portrayed to me throughout my childhood as a strong, wise, sane and sober man. However to go schizophrenic (from personal experience), you are highly likely to have a delusion you are the son of God or are God even. I was Zeus and it’s normal to have one, maybe two people who think they’re the son of God in a mental ward at the same time.  Also when you’re delusional like that it’s normal to rewrite your childhood in your mind to confirm your delusionary state. It’s just how the mind works under schizophrenia which is science fact.
But in Jesus’ case they actually listened to him and believed what he said instead of calling him a freaky schizo. Then he became famous, then they crucified him for his illness the poor man. It wasn’t his fault and despite his highly delusional state he was smart and wise enough to set humanity onto a nicer course than it might otherwise have followed.
And it all adds up. Joseph was actually his real dad. Jesus saying he wasn’t would have been just like me telling somebody one of my delusions, for example that my dad was an Egyptian demon scientist and not really my dad, and that my mum was an elite bodyguard and not really my mum.
Why else would Joseph take Mary all the way to his partriachal state on a small tired donkey when she was heavily pregnant? If an angel had impregnated your friend Mary and she was about to give birth, well if it were me I wouldn’t risk that baby’s life on such a journey just so that he may be born in the same state Joseph was. No, you would take every precaution. As for the wise men, who knows. Who follows comets and finds a stable at the end of them? I’m sure a star hovering over a town would cover a large area. It would be a little like following a rainbow, unless there was a giant arrow pointing at the stable how would they know the exact location anything special would happen? And if there was such a star pointing directly at the stable at the side of a hotel then I’m sure more than just three journeying men would go look at what was there. Perhaps they were staying at the hotel and heard of the birth and being awesome men they gave the poor baby some gifts. Such an event Jesus may have misinterpreted after he became ill.

So, there you go. Thank you Jesus Christ, you were a total superstar and I’m sorry you had to get crucified.

Nick.Eliot 04/Jan/2015
P.S. I’m sure stories of the miracles were greatly exagerated. Once Jesus had to split two loaves of bread and two fish amonst all the people following him around, did he create more out of thin air? No! That would have broken the Laws of Thermodynamics, instead they shared, super cool: ). As for walking on water, did you really see it happen? The bible was written after his death (without the input of Mary and Joseph I assume) so Jesus was not there to say WTF? Not that he was well enough to though.


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