Phear

I once had an unexpected dream. I was sleeping peacefully, dreaming of a field type scenario set at night. And I became semi-lucid of the dream. This caught my consciousnesses attention and I found myself looking alternately through my eyes and at myself in this dark field. And then the dream started to turn. A darker darkness swept over the field and I was stuck in there with it. And to my surprise I turned to face the darkness, made a gesture with both hands and spoke in my dream the words, ‘I am Eric Dawson, great warrior, and I shall face my fear.’

The darkness swept away quickly and I woke up, wondering how I got so brave inside.

Nowadays I don’t fear much. When you think deeply upon life with the right frame of mind then you can tell it’s obviously not that dangerous.

Common sense tells us that we all still are capable of dying. And whatever happens after that (as previously noted) can’t be that bad. Be it deletion for the rest of existence, be it a view of all infinity that exists and is possible to see. Be it meeting your maker, some God figure who doesn’t even need to bother with such basic mental arithmetic as matters like ‘a wise man doesn’t fight a wise man, because they’re friends and have the same goals in this universe’.

But how do I explain such a simple concept to others? I have great difficulty. For me it went like this, I started on the first step on the road to enlightenment which was obviously ‘know that you know nothing’ this step crushes the ego enough to give you a slightly more open mind. It also drives home the fact that reevaluating the existence you are existing is at all times a good idea.

Then I didn’t know where to go next, so I went for the classic ‘know thyself’. Which is a pretty fair bet, if you know nothing and you are honest with yourself then at least you can learn something at least semi-factual.

These two steps took quite a lot of effort and mental adventure, also a lot of time, I never stopped either really.

Knowing yourself as much as humanly possible is a big job. And in the process you change a great deal so then you have to do it all over again, at least once or twice. You have to know your limits and know yourself in all situations and learn why you do what you do.

In gaining a reasonable grasp of who I actually am I needed a lot more factual information than one man can wield, so I began to learn my psychology and got a lot of tips from the mass of knowledge that we as a species maintain day to day.

To know thyself is a big deal, if you’re going to understand who you are then you need also to know why you are. And by that I mean how you came to be, the meaning of life, all sorts. By the way a great memory is essential for such matters.

Also I found many things about myself that I literally detested. And I set to work ironing out the things I did not like and leaving the parts I could comfortably live with.

All the mental effort involved during this process, (a process which underwent falling ill with neuroses, schizophrenia attack, massive 7 year long depression etc.) seems to have exercised my mind into a state of awesome. All ego aside I can be humble all day and it doesn’t make me less epic.

But then I’m like, why am I so epic and everyone else is stumbling around like blind Nuptons?

And I am still not sure as to why there is such a disparity between me and others when it comes to talking about anything sensible.

Perhaps it is their fear?

I personally would love to die, have done for ages. Extreme pain doesn’t thrill me any more, I’ve had plenty emotional, psychological and of course physical.

And all this nonsense noted above has left me sitting on a sofa on a rock in outer space where meeting someone who thinks with any sense of rationality or even just an open mind past their egos is rare. It does happen, yet the vast 99.9% of people I meet have no interest whatsoever in being sensible/logical at the reality of being a creature with an amazing mind and body flying through space with me.

I don’t get it really, what’s not to go ‘oooooh let’s discuss this, this is EPIC’ about in life?

Maybe it is their fear. Most everyone here is a complete coward. Everyone’s afraid of something, I just want the nightmare to be over to be honest. And I can’t really rest whilst all these nice people or potentially nice people don’t have a fucking clue what they are doing here or why and don’t even understand enough to care about it for more than five minutes every other month.

Humans are weird!!!! 0_0

They will do anything it takes just to not think. They must be scared of it. Hence the ego defense.

Scared of who they are? Scared of their limits? Who knows.

Scared to be real, that’s for damned sure, they’d prefer to lose their heads in a book or a drama or something else. Anything other than having to face themselves down. We are usually our own worst enemies after all, we’re all such powerful adversaries too.

Maybe the third step on the path to enlightenment is to ‘face your fear’ to stare it down and see if it destroys you or not?

Yet everyone’s got a thousand self defenses against having to do that. Take an average example of some powerful businessman hiring a hitman to kill some thorn in their side. Everyone’s terrified in that situation.

1. The businessman is to scared to go kill them with his own hands, so scared he hides in his office safe and protected.

2. The hitman is the most scared, scared to think/feel for himself and too scared that who he decides to kill may be the wrong one. His fear makes the hitman ‘for sale’ just like most of the billions of people on Earth. They’re far too scared not only to decide right from wrong but also to accept who they are as a human being, taking imaginary digits that control others. Not working for yourself, not ‘Self-Reliant’ as Ralph Waldo Emmerson recommends, sell out planet 2015. And at least for the VAST majority of all humanity/cowards who have ever walked this Earth.

3. The dead man was scared of the businessman for some reason enough to wish to attack a fellow human being and cause him serious grief when he could have just explained the logic of why the businessman was clearly wrong in a way that the businessman could understand and develop.

Planet Earth is a planet of cowards, from the big to the nano sized. Few ever face each other man to man and discuss things and come to a more logical agreement.

And their ego escape from themselves and their fears leads us all talking bollocks to each other from day to day and attacking each other,

All I want is not happiness. I just want some peace. Some peace from knowing you’re not all raping/ripping each other to shreds for absolutely no reason. And I’ll walk forever and fight forever for that for that is all I deeply need.

Life had to be this way, we were always destined to be ignorant at this stage. It’s basic cause and effect. You can talk yourself up down the tree as many times as you want. The fact is, there’s a lot to understand and most cant even see the woods for the trees.

‘Be excellent to each other.’ Take it from someone who really tries very hard to get things accurate in his head, it’s the logical and most obvious option. One that any being with any potential will comprehend at some stage in their consciousness.

-Eric Dawson 10/March/2015

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